digital painting | 2022 | TW : suicide, shop therapy | Somewhat suddenly last month I began to experience severe tinnitus focused mostly in my left side. An audiologist discovered significant hearing loss in both of my ears but more so on the left (as expected). The constant ringing of the tinnitus is most likely being caused by this asymmetrical loss as the brain searches for frequencies being heard by one side but not the other. There could also of course be other underlying factors being pointed to here which is why today I will be seeing an ENT and more than likely undergoing a series of tests to determine/confirm true causation. I may need a hearing aid. Or steroids. More talk therapy. Or chemotherapy. Or a surgery. Noise machines? Ironically, guitar music helps. Probably need less stress. Less caffeine. Less salt. Less alcohol. Xanax? While weathering this persistent & somewhat debilitating condition I noticed my suicidal ideation increasing exponentially as one can only naturally ask Will I be able to bear this for the rest of my natural life?'. Upon having this thought for the tenth time in a day I decided to google 'tinnitus and suicide' and received about 1,840,000 results (0.48 seconds). I spent a lot of time on r/tinnitus. I laughed. I cried. I read various somewhat inconclusive studies. I saw a pop-up ad for a swivel office chair, the design of which was inspired by penguins. I forgot about the ringing momentarily. I bought one of the chairs. They sent me the wrong color pattern so mine doesn't actually look like a penguin but the arms flip up and down like one so I suppose it will do. I put it together and threw away the box. | SOURCES : google | reddit dot com /r/tinnitus | audiometry test results/graph by main line audiology consultants (which misspelled my name :/) | hbada penguin-inspired office chair |
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