While scouting, I kept feeling this resistance from my inner child. An inner hesitation. She didn’t feel safe around my parents. I kept hearing, ‘why are we back here?’ I had multiple occasions of conflicting feelings. Everything in me desired observing, seeing what was happening from an adult lens; yet my inner child pulled away, trying so hard to retreat far, far away. And I can’t blame her, really.
I made this piece to honor that resistance. She Doesn’t Want To See You examines the tension between my inner child and adult self. The inner child glares at you and quickly diverts her eyes. Hiding in the woods, ideally where no one can even see her. FUCK OFFFFFFF she thinks. But this resistance is good – it shows me we are getting somewhere.
I am notorious for driving myself insane. I’m sure I drive everyone around me insane as well. I demand perfection. It must be the best it can be. Keep going, keep going. I will push myself until my eyes sting and I can barely keep moving. Why? Good question. If I knew, I’d tell you.
